


Twelve Doors to a Blue Green World

by blessende



Series: Searching for Levi [12]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Marriage, Psyche Corridors, Psychological Trauma, Science Fiction, TSM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 15:42:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14023413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blessende/pseuds/blessende
Summary: Eren decides to share his memories with Levi who, obviously, has much to say on the theme. Twelve Doors to the Blue Green World of Eren. Set in the Searching for Levi universe. Year 2011.





	Twelve Doors to a Blue Green World

 

 

2011

 

 

Twelve Doors to a Blue Green World

(Or Twelve Doors to His Heart)

 

 

Eren was spending his fall break in Titan, and he was spending it buried under problem sets. It was one of those rare nights when Levi didn't come home late, and Eren was attempting to do his 'Newtonian Mechanics 201' assignment all by himself. Shocker, right? He was sitting cross-legged on the bed, poring over the papers he'd carried over in his backpack. He heard the shower running in the bathroom in a steady, rhythmic pitter-patter over the tiles. The sound was comforting, assuring him of the other’s presence.

 _If I've seen further, it’s by standing on the shoulders of giants,_ the great man Newton once said.

Yeah, well, if Eren had seen any further, it was by standing on the shoulder of a short, petit young man named Armin Arlert. The peacekeeper sighed. He could have really used Armin's help right now; too bad that his best bud was a million light years away.

 _The universe is like a dynamic clockwork,_ another of Newton’s quotes that Professor Samson often cited.

So, they believed. He bet neither Newton nor Professor Samson had ever been to this lonely, desolate planet called Titan.

Eren stared down at the question on his p-set, running a hand through his hair and brushing it back from his forehead. To say that he was overwhelmed by homework would be a gross understatement. He felt defeated, utterly vanquished by this monster.

Q 23 of his assignment stated: “A body is thrown from the surface of the earth at an angle alpha to the horizontal with the initial velocity v. Assuming the air drag to be negligible, find:

  1. the time of motion;
  2. maximum height of ascent and horizontal range;
  3. curvature radii trajectory.



Eren fisted his hair and closed his eyes in anguish.

_Fuck you, Isaac. Find it yourself, you asshat._

Letting out a war cry, Eren Jaeger lugged a textbook into his lap and chewed into the end of his ballpoint pen, frustration piling up like chips on his shoulder. He was frankly wondering why the apple that fell on Newton's head didn't kill the man on the outset. Would have saved the world a bunch of trouble.

Despite his mind labouring overtime, it kept an ear out for sounds from the bath. The shower faucet had run dry, and he heard the hunt for a towel. Soon, the door creaked open and the smell of soap wafted to his nose. Eren hummed, aware of the little signs, but not paying serious attention to any of them. His assignment kept him occupied, nearly driving him up the wall. And Eren began to wish if he should have brought in more references from his world. Like Irodov. Maybe even a Resnick and Halliday.

 _Procrastination isn't going to get you anywhere. Just draw your block diagrams, the key forces and_ — Eren was startled when he felt the covers shift behind him. A weight shifted on the bed, drawing up to him, and lips began trailing kisses along the spine of his crinkled tee, the navy blue AC/DC tshirt he’d got on margin sale. He leaned away and shook his head. No, no, he needed to solve this pset. _C’mon, brain, you can do this. Work on the block diagrams, the equilibrium point_ — Chiselled arms curled around his waist, trying to lure him away from the papers— Dammit no, he was so very close to cracking this problem. _Brain, focus, don’t get side-tracked_. A hand palmed the front of his jeans and slipped under the waistband— Eren hummed, knowing the fight was lost already. He closed his eyes, relishing in the other’s touch. _Crap, gravity._ Yeah, that’s right. He needed to take the g-force into the equation. Gravity was good, excellent in fact like that ubiquitous hand groping him all over, kneading his most sensitive spots— No, no, don't think about that right now, he winced— The searching hand wrapped around his length, and Eren's reasoning went haywire. His breath hitched, and his hips bucked.

Okay, on second thoughts, fuck gravity too.

Eren turned slowly, a low, menacing growl emerging from his throat. He slapped a hand across the assailant's chest and pushed the older back on the bed. It didn't help that his body was aroused at the sight of a semi naked Levi with just a towel wrapped around him.

'Dammit, Levi,’ he groaned. ‘I was trying to concentrate. Cut me some slack, will you? If I fail this paper, I’ll be held back by a whole term, and it'll be entirely your fault.'

Mischievous grey eyes sought his green ones and reeled him in closer. The freshly showered Corporal caught Eren's brown head with his free hand and kissed the brunet at the corner of his lips. Levi's hand buried itself in his hair, pulling at the brown strands with fervour.

‘Is that so?’

‘Mm,’ answered Eren, burying his nose into the man’s dark hair, nuzzling and losing himself in the exotic smell of soap and shampoo. Hell, Levi could probably make vinegar smell exotic on him.

'Heh,' the older made a small, impatient sound. 'And what will you tell your professor? I'm curious,' Levi remarked, pulling the boy back to nip along Eren’s jaw line. His free hand stretched out the material of Eren’s tee, allowing his teeth to graze across tanned skin.

Eren struggled to think. The hand on his length was moving leisurely, erotic in its ministrations and stroked his member at just the right pace.

'Ngh, a robodog... uh... ate my homework?' he suggested.

Levi let out a sly smile and ran his thumb over the slit of Eren's manhood.

'Try harder, trooper.'

Eren flushed and squeezed his eyes shut. Oh, two could play this game. He bit down on Levi's collarbone and licked the pale skin over it, his hands grasping to touch every bit of Levi’s exposed flesh: those strong hips, the navel, the edges of the towel and smooth expanse of the man's chest.

'Try _harder,_ ' Levi urged in his ear, voice growing husky, and Eren wasn't sure what they were talking about anymore.

'That, uh, I'm a peacekeeper married to a horny bastard across the galaxy,' he lost his composure when the hand jerking him off did a rough curl. 'Oh god, _nghh_ \- whatever you did just now, do that again.'

Levi's other hand moved to Eren's chin, tilted his head up and drew him into a deep, wet kiss.

'Much better,' Levi approved.

 

 

Later that night, when Eren was considering how to convince Krobe into eating his Mechanics homework, Eren heard Levi rummaging through the bedroom closet. The older man had the patience to shower again (how, Eren couldn't fathom understand) and the clean freak was now dressed into a respectable long cuffed shirt and khakis while Eren was still buried under his pillow, contemplating whether the trip to the shower was worth all the effort.

He turned on his side, watching what his partner was up to.

He saw Levi disappear into the deeper realms of the closet and pull out a white box (that looked remarkably like a gaming console, something like Xbox 360), but had two head gears attached to it. Eren watched the man untangle the cables, growing alarmed as Levi brought it over to him.

'Whoa, whoa, what the hell is that?' Eren asked, pointing to the thing. 'I'm not into weird shit like tentacle sex in case you got the wrong idea.'

Levi stopped in his tracks, startled by his outburst.

'What? Oh, this?' he said, sitting down at the edge of the bed. He started to unravel the cables and separated the two helmets out neatly.

'It's called TSM,' Levi explained, which wasn't really much of a helpful explanation.

Eren cast a dubious look at the contraption.

'TSM as in... Tentacle Sex Machine?'

Levi turned and gave Eren an exasperated look.

'No, you fucking moron. Why the hell are we talking about tentacles in the first place? TSM is for Transverse Subconscious Merger, you ignoramus.' Levi proceeded to put the headgear on Eren, but the younger pulled back and jabbed a knee against the older man’s chest, stopping him midway.

'Hold on a sec. First, tell me what this machine does,' Eren prodded him, cocking up a suspicious eyebrow. 'I'm not getting hooked to things I don't understand.'

'Eren,' said Levi, letting out a pained sigh. 'Do you trust me?'

The brunet passed a wary glance between the contraption and Levi's face. With a roll of his turquoise eyes, he relaxed his shoulders and gave a begrudging nod in consent.

‘Of course, I do.’

Levi smirked.

'Good. Now, put your tentacle sex machine on and close your eyes.'

Yep, he'd married such a sweet talker, Eren thought wryly.

 

 

Eren found himself standing in a dim lit corridor with doors running along the length of the whole passage. He looked at himself and found that he was surprisingly not attached to any cables and didn't have any strange helmets adorning his head either. He was barefoot, wearing his AC/DC tee and ripped jeans, yep, exactly the way he'd gone to bed. Except for standing in this eerie hallway, that is.

He almost jumped to the ceiling when a hand drew itself around his shoulder, startling him.

He turned to find Levi standing beside him, the shorter man dressed in the same shirt and khakis.

'Where are we?' Eren asked before passing Levi a suspicious look. 'Okay. What did you do?'

Levi walked ahead, pulling him along towards the doors.

'Inside your head, Eren. Your subconscious to be precise. Tonight, you're going to be giving me a tour of your memories.'

Eren wasn’t sure if the man was joking.

'No fucking way.'

Levi smiled.

'Yes, fucking way. Lead on.'

'Man, I'm already tired of your tour of my other parts tonight,’ griped Eren. ‘Can we do this some other time?'

'No, consider it akin to pillow talk.'

'Pillow talk?' repeated Eren with a low growl. 'Why the hell can't anything be normal in Titan?'

Levi's attention remained fixed on the hallway, his gaze running along its length.

'Eren, I'm counting twelve doors here,’ he remarked. ‘The longer we stall, the more tired the host body gets.'

'And by host, I'm assuming you mean me?'

Levi nodded.

The brunet walked to the first door gingerly and glanced up at it.

'So, you're telling me each of these doors lead down to my important memories?'

'Yes, that’s what I said.'

'That's _ridiculous_.'

'Why don’t you try it?'

Eren gave the man a searching look. But Levi didn't seem to be pulling his leg; he seemed dead serious. Curious, the young peacekeeper decided to leg it. He clasped the brass door knob and turning it with a click, he pushed open the door.

 

 

 

 

 

.I.

 

 

They were standing in a hospital ward. Eren ran a hand through his brown hair in a mix of awe and shock. 'You've got to be kidding me. This thing actually works?' he blurted out, peering around the strange hospital that they found themselves in. 'Where are we? What’s this place?'

Levi walked to a corner and folded himself into it, planting his shoe on the wall. Doctors, interns and nurses in blue scrubs were moving about, exchanging medical supplies, clipboards and reading one patient chart to the next. A calendar on the wall showed the Earthen year. 1990. In the tide of people passing through, it was Levi who first noticed the couple. Especially the woman sitting in the maternity ward. Levi stared at her, for the resemblance between mother and son was striking. He turned to Eren and flicking his head, he motioned for Eren's attention to the end of the aisle. The peacekeeper followed his line of sight, and when he saw the couple, his breath got caught up in his throat.

His parents.

Carla Jaeger was cradling a baby in her arms while mild-mannered Grisha sat next to her, watching over both.

'How… How is this a memory?' Eren mumbled, feeling something stir in his chest. The rumblings of an old familiar pain.  'I don't even remember being here.'

Levi grunted.

'But your subconscious does,' he announced from his corner.

Eren looked around, wondering if the people in the ward could hear their conversation. No, it was just a memory. A static memory. Nothing could be changed about it.

Levi watched Eren as a despairing look came upon the boy’s face. The younger was looking at his parents wistfully. He took a step forward, perhaps to join the family that he no longer had… but Levi hurried over and grabbed Eren by the elbow, pulling the boy back. 'It's just a memory, Eren. Nothing more.'

Levi saw the pained expression on the younger’s face.

There was a silence.

'Yeah, I get that,' Eren acknowledged.

But even as he said this, a nurse came up to his parents, cooed to the bundle of joy in Carla's arms and took it, putting the baby into a transport incubator. She began wheeling it towards the double doors… but by some stroke of luck, a physician interrupted her, and she stopped to talk to him. Levi used the opportunity to walk over to the incubator and peer at the child inside. Eren followed him gingerly and risked a glance inside the trolley.

And yes, there he was.

Goddam tiny, pink like a cherub. Eyes squeezed shut into wrinkles and little fingers curled into a ball. And there was the tuft of brown hair on his head.

'This is so surreal. Is that me?'

Levi snorted, though his features had softened at the sight of the infant.

'Of course, it's you. I can spot it by the way you're drooling over the sheets. Some things never change, huh, Eren?'

The baby wriggled free of its blanket, curling on its side. And gave the two of them a rather unabashed view of the Jaeger family jewels.

Eren went beet red, burying his face in his hands. 'Oh shit, don't say anything. Please don't say a word—'

Of course, Levi wouldn't be Levi if he didn’t say anything.

'Heh. You had a small penis. Good thing you grew up.'

Eren groaned.

'You just had to say it, didn't you? And for the record, everybody starts out small, OKAY?'

Levi chuckled. The nurse finished her conversation with the doctor. She returned to the trolley and began carting the incubator out through the doors. Eren cast one last look at his parents before Levi caught his arm and pulled him away through the very same doors.

 

 

 

.II.

The second door led out to an arena.

An ice hockey game.

Levi looked confused for a bit. His grey eyes roamed through the almost manic surge of people around them, the clutter of hockey sticks that sounded through the stadium and the misty chill that hung in the air. 'Your people play a game on ice? What's so great about hitting a puck about and freezing your butt in the process?'

Eren smiled and looked around.

_This._

Yes, he knew this memory.

Levi and Eren stood in the stands and were looking at the hockey try-outs in progress.

He should be here somewhere. Nine years old? Or was it ten?

Two kids trampled past their booth in that exact moment. Eren felt nostalgia hit him.

'I am going to kick your arse, Jaeger. And you can watch me do it,' a small ashbrown urchin was talking to the shorter fellow beside him.

'Oh, there you are,' Levi observed astutely. 'One little shit being talked down by another little shit. Glorious.'

Levi was right. Small for his age, Eren didn't hit his growth spurt till the age of fourteen. But he made up for it in his temper. Eren watched as his ten-year-old self lunged with his stick and swiped at Jean Kirstein's padded feet.

Jean, taken aback, returned a growl.

'Why, you little weasel—'

Words were exchanged under their breath and whatever Jean had said, succeeded in getting a rise of out his ten-year-old past.

A scuffle broke out, blows exchanged, and a crowd of ardent supporters gathered around the two boys, some booing while others cheered them on. Suddenly, the booing and cheering died. There was a lull, and Eren caught sight of his mother breaking through the crowd. Carla looked downright furious.

And this expression on her face was all the reason he needed for treasuring this singular memory. 

'Eren Jaeger! You're not a savage! Let your friend go this instant!' she reproached him, trying to pull the two children apart.

'He is not a friend,' Eren yelled crossly. 'And he started it,' Eren defended, pointing at the balaclava wearing fiend.

Carla boxed his ears much to the delight of the spectators and began yanking him away to the benches.

'Ouch, Ouch, Ouch—' Eren yelped in pain, trying to wriggle free from her clutch. 'That hurts, mom! Let go! You're embarrassing me!'

Little Eren caught sight of Jean flashing him a triumphant smile.

'Did you see that? DID YOU SEE THAT?' Eren pleaded with his mother. 'I'm telling you HE started it, mom.'

When they reached the tail end of the bleachers, Carla sighed and released him. She crouched before the boy and soothed the glowing, red ears of her son. He looked miserable and upset with her.

Carla studied him.

'Eren, you're just mad because Jean is better at hockey than you are.'

'He is NOT!' insisted the boy. ‘Did you even see my try-out?’

'We can't all be perfect, Eren. Accepting our weaknesses is the whole part of growing up. We’re all human, love.'

Eren muttered indignantly under his breath.

Carla looked at him in chagrin.

'What is it now? Why are you so upset?'

Eren rolled his eyes.

'I'm not mad at him because he is better than me. I'm mad because he knows it. Jerk!'

'Oh, Eren,' his mother said, her arms canvassing him into a warm hug.

Eren wasn’t done complaining.

'Besides, why does he get to have a dad that’s always around... while my father is cooped up in the basement all the time. Fucking unfair—'

'Language!' Carla hissed, releasing the boy with a shudder. She got up in anguish and began steering her son towards the exit. 'Such foul language. Where did you pick up all these habits? Oh Eren, what will I do with you?'

The mother and son disappeared into the milling crowd, leaving Levi and Eren alone.

Levi looked at the young man beside him.

'You still have that potty mouth of yours, Oedipus.'

Eren gave a scoff though a bittersweet smile played at his lips. He turned to Levi and managed a glare.

'Coming from you, I'm not offended at all.'

'Who was the chap?' Levi said, nodding towards Jean who’d begun taking shots with his hockey stick. They watched as the balaclava wearing kid moved in circles and with a flick of his wrist, sent the puck flying into the net. As easy as that. 'Yes, score!' the boy yelled and high-fived his rag tag group of little friends. Jean was strangely determined when he wanted to be.

Eren grimaced at the sight of the boy.

'A rival, no biggie.'

The two turned and began retracing their steps towards the stadium exit.

Levi looked over his shoulder and passed a glance at the small boy again. The ashbrown kid in the middle of the ring.

'Jean, that’s what you called him right?’ Levi asked. ‘Is he... still around?'

'Yeah, we're in the same year of college. He’s still around and still an asshole, no surprise there,’ Eren turned sideways and gauged his guardian’s inquisitive face. ‘Why do you ask? You jealous of a ten-year-old, Corporal?'

'Hmm, no… of course not.'

 

 

 

 

  

 

.III.

 

'I don't like this one. Can we go back?' Eren suggested as soon as he opened the third door to his subconscious.

He stopped mid-step and attempted to turn around, Levi almost bumping into his back.

But the raven-haired Corporal caught the fabric of his tee and held on, refusing his request with a curt shake of his head. ‘No, can do,’ he said. There was a strange determination in his storm eyes as his attention flickered to the hallway behind them and watched the lights of Eren's psyche corridor waver. The host was already showing signs of exhaustion, the first signs of an emotional drain.

'Levi, please no,' there was urgency in the younger's tone. 'I don't want to see this,' Eren protested. 'And you wouldn't want to, either.'

Levi pressed a hand to his husband’s cheek and forced the young man to look at him.

'On the contrary, I want to know everything about you, Eren. Your deepest, darkest secrets,' Levi murmured in his characteristic brooding voice. Levi smirked and gave the keeper's face a searching look. 'Why? Is it something embarrassing? Jacked off to a wet dream that you don't want me to know about?'

Eren shook his head.

'You're a prick, you know that?'

Levi knew he was. But it didn't stop him from giving Eren a soft shove through the door.

Levi found himself standing on the porch of a townhouse. It was the hour of dusk (or was it dawn?), the sky lit up in a mesmerizing hue of darkening blue and orange. He'd almost forgotten that Eren had lived his entire life under a different sky than his, a bluer and redder one. A brighter one that wasn't overshadowed by the filth of a condemned future in scraper cities. There were trees around the house that swayed with a breeze he couldn't feel. Sycamore, he would discover later. Levi watched children cycling down the street, emitting squeals of delight. The wonders of this other world did not cease there, and he wished he had an eternity to stop and observe all the nuances around him. Like the creaking swing in a neighbour's house. Like the old man taking his dog out for a walk (an actual live Rottweiler, Levi mused). He wished he could even feel the green grass below his feet… he was being a little greedy, wasn’t he? There were, of course, limitations to TSM, and he had to be content with the vision of Eren's memories. What the boy saw, what he felt.

Beside him, Eren stood like a dead stump of a tree, not even paying attention to the little wonders around him. The brown haired young man had his hands twisting the material of his tee, and he was watching the front door of the house as if he had a foreboding sense of ill.

What happened here that had the boy so out of sorts?

Levi got his answer soon enough.

The door arched open, and Levi saw a man walk out with a briefcase. Shadows and ghosts hung on to the coat tails of Grisha Jaeger. His face looked thinner, sallower than the last time Levi had seen him in the memory with baby Eren. Grisha pulled on a bowler hat and placed it over his receding hairline discreetly. He stroked his small beard in silence, a strange madness in his eyes.

'Dad! Dad!' a voice called as Grisha started walking down the porch.

Levi felt Eren go frigid beside him, and he reached out with a hand to wrap it around the youngster's left wrist. To hold him steady. To lend his own support. To apologise for all this with unsaid words. He didn't really know why. Nor did he care for the reasons anymore.

Eleven-year-old Eren arrived at the front door, panting and breathless as if he'd just made a mad dash down the stairs inside. He stood by the mahogany door, green eyes darting between the briefcase to his father's face.

'You're really leaving?' the boy blurted out.

Grisha looked just as surprised to see him.

'Eren,' his father called his name, reaching out with a hand.

Eren's eyes were wide, a familiar anxiety to them.

'No, you can't be really leaving. You can't be serious! She is crying, dad! She is crying in the kitchen! What did you say to her?'

Grisha said nothing and retracted his outstretched hand as if it were an offending limb. He stood on the porch, looking oddly out of place in this blue green world. The man knelt before the boy; his one hand went into his pocket to retrieve a golden key from it. He took Eren's hand and pressed the key into the boy’'s palm. Grisha folded Eren's fingers over the key and gave his son a pensive smile of assurance.

'Take care of Carla, Eren. You're the only one who can. Take good care of your mother.'

Eren's lips trembled, and his eyes teared up.

‘Please don’t go.’

Turning around wordlessly, Grisha picked up his briefcase again and began to walk away.

His son shook visibly, small, lean shoulders threatening to be overcome by tears and yes, even rage.

'You can't be fucking serious! What's this supposed to be? A souvenir?' Eren yelled after him, dangling the key by its string.

Grisha paused, his expression furrowed in the light of dusk.

'I know you're angry. I know you want to toss it away. But keep it. Keep it in my memory. Someday you'll understand.'

Eren clenched his fingers into a fist, staring furiously down at the wretched metal trinket in his hand.

'It's junk. I don't want it. I don't want to remember you. And I will take care of mom, you wait and watch. I will take care of this family better than you ever did.'

Grisha smiled.

'I'm sure you will, my son,’ he told the boy. ‘But you need to stay away from the basement, Eren. Remember it.'

'Go to hell. Don't ever come back. I mean it! Don't EVER come back!'

The boy fled into the house, slamming the door shut as he went. Levi watched the fleeting expression of pain on Grisha Jaeger's face. The man shook his head in faint regret and staggered towards the gate, the ghosts and shadows of his life looming after him.

Levi looked at the young man beside him, who was studying the key around his neck.

'Eren, you still hate your dad?'

The brunet was strangely quiet, sunlight glowing against his tan skin.

'To be honest, I don't, Levi. Because he was a man who pretended to be my dad. At least that's what I convinced myself into thinking.'

'Did you ever see him again?'

Eren shook his head.

 

 

 

.IV.

 

'Door number four,' said Levi, giving a mock twirl of his wrist and a ridiculous bow to go with it.

Eren rolled his turquoise green eyes. He took a deep breath, turned the knob and walked in.

They were standing in an alley, and there were two boys huddled behind a red bricked fence. Levi recognised a slightly older Eren and the blond from one of the polaroid photographs in the apartment of 1263. Armin, he believed. That’s right. This must be Armin Arlert, the best friend who was always by Eren's side, tutoring the idiot and the one who'd introduced Eren to the world of books. Levi was pleasantly surprised he remembered Eren’s stories.

The sky was a blue spotted with clouds, a sky so unlike the one of Titan. It struck Levi odd that the two boys would choose to hide in a grimy place in such good weather.

'And what the hell are you two little shits doing?' Levi mumbled to the young man beside him.

Eren smiled as he watched Armin and his younger self huddle for cover.

'I can take them on,' the brunet insisted to the small one beside him. 'I will smash them to pulp, make them cry tears of blood, I swear.'

Armin clasped Eren's hand in his own and shook his head smartly.

'Eren, don't be stupid.'

'They called you a faggot, Armin.'

'Yeah, well, the whole world calls me that. Are you going to pick a fight with everybody?'

'I will,' was Eren's swift answer.

Armin stared at him, words lost in his mouth. 'Gosh, you really are an idiot. You know why? They'll pound your ass, you know it. They're bigger, meaner than us. They're bullies because that’s how the food chain works, Eren.'

'What does size have anything to do with it? Friends gotta stick out for each other.'

‘We’re friends?’ Armin asked, beaming. ‘Really?’

Eren didn’t get a chance to affirm.

There was a squeal of laughter from the street. Bikes skidded to a stop on the gravel, tires screeching.

'Hey Arlerty! Come out, come out wherever you are, you pussy!'

Levi watched as the young brunet ground his teeth and despite Armin's protests, jumped over the brick fence with a feral roar.

Levi turned to Eren and cocked up an eyebrow.

'I'm guessing... they beat the living daylights out of you?'

Eren nodded ruefully. 'Yeah, that they did. Seven stitches and a trip to the infirmary. Plus I got reprimanded by an officer,' Eren admitted with a good natured grin. 'But I managed to return two black eyes and a kick to the groin. So, I like to think the match was a draw, Corporal.'

'Hm? Not bad,' Levi admitted and reached out with a hand to ruffle Eren’s mussy brown hair. 'Good work, trooper.'

Eren was surprised to detect the pride in his voice.

'Wait. Did I hear that right? You're appreciating me?’ he said in mock surprise. ‘Is the world coming to an end? Is hell going to freeze over?'

Levi gave a muffled grunt.

'I take it back.'

 

 

.V.

Door number five opened to a bathroom. A faucet leaked in the silence. A wet towel hung draped over the sides of the bathtub. Fifteen-year-old Eren held a razorblade ready in hand, and a snarl burned on his lips.

Levi stood at the door, cracking his knuckles with grey eyes narrowed into slits.

A droid dog hovered in the doorway, watching the charged atmosphere and wagging its tail in anticipation. It barked like an impromptu cheerleader, thrilled to its metallic core.

The two men standing on the sides exchanged furtive glances. The older Eren tried to leave, heading for the door and the psyche hallway behind it.

'Where's the fire? Settle down, cadet.' Levi said, catching the sleeve of his t-shirt.

'But we know how this is going to turn out. Let's go, Levi.'

'And miss me kicking your butt? Hell no!'

Eren winced as the Levi in the bathroom proceeded to do just that. There was a tussle, a stream of curses, and the teenager ended up being pinned to the floor.

'Ouch! Geroff me, you sicko! GET OFF!'

'English, huh? That's a relief. And I would love to get off as you put it but you're not legal yet.'

Eren frowned, scratching his nose thoughtfully.

'Man, these memories must be rigged. Planted! I've been framed. This seriously can't be in the top twelve.'

Levi gave a smug look and pulled at his cuffs. 'Admit it, Eren. It was love at first sight. Or should I say... love at first spanking.'

Eren flipped him the middle finger.

 

 

.VI.

Door number six led into the Senate House, the Courts of Justice. Eren was sitting battered and bruised on a couch, a fierce gash over his right eyebrow and blood dripping down his jaw line. There was Hanji pressing a swab of medicated cotton to his mouth.

'You really overdid it this time, Levi,' Hanji admonished her comrade. 'Couldn't you have gone easier on the poor kid?'

Levi was leaning against the wall, watching the boy solemnly. The fifteen-year-old couldn't read the expression in his face.

Commander Erwin turned to Eren with a benign smile. He spoke at length about how having Eren instated into the PeaceCorps was a tactical advantage. The universal gate key, he proclaimed, would aid their quest to secure the gates on the other side. Erwin apologised for the violent trial they put on before Darius Zachlay, calling it a necessary act for winning over the prosecution. The commander knelt before Eren and smiled gratuitously, reaching out to shake Eren’s hand and welcome him into their fold.

Eren nodded earnestly.

'You know the blood oath, right?' Erwin Smith asked, eyes gleaming.

'A peacekeeper, bound to serve and protect till death. Honourable, loyal and to live for others before self,' Eren said, placing a right fist over his heart the way he'd seen the Titans do.

Commander Erwin's smile grew wider.

'You're quick to learn.'

Levi walked to the couch and sat down beside the boy, crossing his knees. He looked at the boy intently.

'Say Eren. Do you hate me?'

Eren flinched a little and shook his head. There was a broken tooth in his mouth that begged to differ. But if Eren thought about it, he couldn’t really hate him.

'No... uh, sir.'

Levi watched him from the corner of his eyes.

'Good.'

And the scene faded into the shadows leaving Levi and Eren standing in the hallway, staring at door number six.

'Did you mean that, Eren?' Levi asked after a long-drawn silence.

Eren gave a pained nod, as though he could still feel the bruises from that day in court.

'I can never hate you, Levi. You know that.'

The man turned to him sharply, gauging him under the dim lights of the corridor.

'You shouldn't have come back, you know,' Levi said, looking at the closed door again. He brought up a hand and pressed it against the bridge of his nose. 'After all the trouble I went through to send you back, you should have stayed put in your world. You should have stayed put and led a normal life like all your friends.'

Eren smiled and took Levi's hand in his. The older man looked on in surprise as Eren brought the hand up and pressed a soft kiss to the pale, callous fingers beneath. 'I'm persistent, Corporal. Haven't you learned that about me yet?'

 

 

 

.VII.

 

 

Sergeant Dita Ness was using a laser pointer on a projection screen, showing an extremely boring diagram of the world of Titan. He wore an old-fashioned bandana and had taken it upon himself to educate the young minds on 'Titan History and Political Affairs.' He loved teaching, and he considered it to be a two-way road of learning since his class this year consisted of a mix of pure Titans as well as the few rare Earthlings. Namely, a quiet, withdrawn blond girl and a fiery spirited boy who struggled to keep awake in class. Dita had spent numerous occasions trying to prod the twerp into staying awake.

Dita Ness began drawing lines on the white board with a marker.

'The Titan world was formed when our Earthen ancestors from the medieval era discovered wormholes, which are tears in the fabric of our universe. Many our ancestors: the able bodied, healthy, the curious and the intelligent migrated over the wormholes with livestock and supplies during the Ottoman Empire. These wormholes, which like most aspects of our unstable cosmic universe, disappeared soon after... leaving no means to return for a significant population that began calling themselves 'Titans'. Are you folks with me? Paying attention?'

Thomas nodded earnestly while Annie Leonhart flagged a hand in mock indifference, asking the man to proceed.

'Okay, that's good. Now, the Titan planet, as you might have observed, is inhospitable to living life because of the aging sun. Five hundred years ago, it was possible to create our cocoon cities and dwell in artificial communities. With the growing population, the weaker sections of society are now slowly being driven out. Our floating plantations can only support a fraction of the food supply needed. That’s why we have the gateways. Titan’s answer to the wormholes. The gateways remain our greatest experiment in this cause—'

Eren yawned, sitting at his desk. Thankfully, no one heard him. Well, no one except Marco Bott.

Freckles turned to give him a disconcerted look.

'What?' Eren echoed. 'A man can't yawn?'

Marco rolled his eyes and went back to taking notes. Studious fellow that he was. Studious Titan brain.

Eren bit into the insides of his cheek.

There was a soft rap against the window, and Eren turned to find a familiar man lounging outside the training corps classroom. Grey eyes, raven hair and a short temper. Levi stood in the corridor of the academy, watching him with that poker face of his. Eren's eyes widened a little, wondering if his pseudo guardian had seen him slacking off.

Levi glared at him through the glass.

Yep. He'd seen all.

The adolescent gulped but put on a brave face.

Eren mouthed 'What?’ at him. ‘What did I do this time?'

Levi scowled.

'Concentrate, you moron,' mimed Levi in return.

Eren broke into an enthusiastic smile. He pointed to his watch and made a sign, bringing hand to mouth. 'You ate yet, sir?' he tried to signal and then, pointed between himself and the raven-haired man outside the classroom. 'Can I join you for lunch?'

Levi rolled his eyes, glowering at Eren and the world in general.

'Eren Jaeger, who are you talking to?' the PeaceCorp sergeant Dita Ness asked from the front of class.

All twenty pair of eyes turned to him.

Eren had been leaning so far back in his chair, he was knocked off skilter. He tilted like Titanic hitting an iceberg and his brown head met the ground in a thud. He staggered up, standing clumsily to attention and dusted himself free. He shook his head with his right fist upon his heart. 'No one, sir. No one.'

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Levi chuckle, almost laugh. And the black-haired man slipped into the shadows.

Eren watched him leave wistfully.

'Eren!' Dita called. 'Are you listening?'

'YES SIR. I'M SORRY! I WAS LISTENING TO EVERY WORD, I SWEAR!'

Everyone in class snickered.

The Eren and Levi from the future watched the proceedings in awkward silence.

'You know, Eren,' said Levi. 'That sign you made just now is not for lunch. I remember you making it every single day, and I never told you what it meant. Did you ever have a chance to leaf through the Titan guide book?'

'What?' asked the young keeper beside him, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. 'I thought it meant food! What the hell was I signalling to you for three whole years?'

'That you were offering to give me a blow job. Every single fucking day. Never got old, that one. Hanji wanted to tell you, but I made her promise she won't.'

‘You're kidding me!' Eren mumbled, going the remarkable shade of red.

'You really should have concentrated in your classes. Titan prevails, sweetheart. Titan prevails.'

 

 

 

 

.VIII.

Door number eight led into the familiar road outside Jaeger home. They were standing under the sycamore trees again, the trees little taller, denser than before and a marked shade of brown. Levi turned to the front of the townhouse and watched as adolescent Eren stumbled out of the front door in a daze, a backpack across his shoulders. His brown hair tousled and heaving slightly, his attention came to the woman sitting on the porch's steps.

'Mom?' he called uncertainly.

Carla was leaning against a pillar, her head buried in her hands.

'Hey Mom. I'm home,' Eren said, a frantic edge appearing in his voice.

Carla turned to her son, tears lining her eyes. She had aged so much from the last time Levi had seen her.

'Eren...?' she asked. 'Is that you? Where have you been? I thought you left me.'

Eren froze at the accusation in her tone.

'What? No, I told you before, remember? I'm training for the army and stuff...'

Carla Jaeger didn't seem to be listening to a word he was saying. Her face contorted and she broke out sobbing.

Eren dropped his backpack and drew his mother into his arms wordlessly. He clasped her face in his hands and looked into her eyes, trying to lend her some of his strength.

'It's okay, mom. Please don't cry. I'm here now. I'm sorry if I worried you. I should have come back earlier-' he looked anguished. 'I'm such an idiot. Please stop crying!'

'Eren,' his mother said, drawing her arms around the boy. 'Oh, Eren. You should apologize to your dad too.'

A shadow passed over the teenager's face.

He glanced back at her.

'What're you talking about? Dad left years ago.'

Carla laughed at his apparent silliness, wiping away the tears from her face.

'Don't be ridiculous, Eren. He is in the basement where he has always been. Working as always,’ she prattled in a quiet voice, eyes dancing with the weight of shadows. ‘Try to be quiet when you walk down the hallway, okay? He doesn't like being disturbed when he is at work,' she informed him, smiling in that forlorn way of hers.

The eighteen-year-old looked at his mother, and Levi watched something break in him. But the teenager pulled himself together, becoming the grown up he needed to be in this moment, and nodded.

'Y-Yeah. Of course, he is,' he said, bitterness evident in his tone.

Levi looked at the young man beside him. Eren was looking across the street, face turned away.

'She’s ill, isn’t she?' Levi asked him.

There was a strained silence.

'Schizophrenia... She gets delusions and stuff,' Eren replied offhandedly.

'Is there a cure?'

'No, not in my world.'

Again, the brunet avoided him.

Levi grabbed his wrist and pulled the boy into a one-armed hug. Eren sighed into the embrace and buried his head into the linen shirt of Levi. It was an awkward pose especially since the boy was taller than him.

Levi’s arms folded around Eren. 'I’m sorry. I knew about it. But I didn’t realise—' Levi bit the corner of his mouth, not quite finding the right words to say.

Eren refused to look at him, but Levi watched as Eren’s shoulder trembled. And the older man felt a growing wetness across his shirt.

'Hey brat,' Levi called, running a hand through strands of brown hair. 'If you want to cry like a baby, don't hold back. I won't tell anyone.'

Eren nodded and shifted against Levi's collar, burying his nose into it.

'Not even if I get snot all over your shirt? You okay with that, Rivaille? I will get it dirty, you know.'

Levi winced at the thought, but let the boy stay.

'... yeah, it's fine.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. Cry yourself dry. I'll wait for you.'

 

 

 

.IX.

 

'How are you feeling?' Levi asked him as they walked across to the ninth door.

Eren shrugged, though his eyes were still red. 'It's fine,’ he said rubbing his face and trying to put on a brave front. ‘Just memories, right? There is nothing I can do to change the past. But I want to fix the future. Our future,' he insisted, a steel like determination lacing his tone.

Levi watched the youngster in concern.

'We can continue this later. The choice is yours, Eren.'

Eren looked at the ninth door and shook his head.

'No, this is a learning experience for me. I need to do this. C’mon,' he said, leading their way to the ninth door.

They were at a school stadium, just outside a ring. The crowd of spectators was gathered in the seats round the ring. Eighteen-year-old Eren came out of the dressing-room and sat down in an obscure corner at the end of the barrier which divided the gymnasium into two parts. The gong rang, and Levi watched in growing amusement as the teenager bustled in through the barricade, being egged on by his boxing coach. Eren's Irish coach was enthusiastic despite the boy almost tripping over the ropes.

'Get inside, Jaeger. Show that Kirstein what yer all about!' yelled the pink faced Irish coach. 'Give 'im a left and a right, and a left again!'

'Yeshhh sirrr!' nodded Eren, through his red mouth guard. He was decked in pugilist shorts and boxer gloves. On his head, Eren wore a blue headguard and there was a familiar bloodlust blazing in his eyes.

The ashbrown in the ring motioned with a hand, asking Eren to come forward.

Jean Kirstein smirked at him.

 _Let's see what you're all about_ , Jaeger, the taller boy seemed to say.

Levi looked at the young man beside him and frowned. 'That kid again?'

Eren shrugged. 'I told you, right. Friendly rival. We took up featherweight boxing in high school.'

Levi didn't like the friendly part about it at all.

Or the fact that this ashbrown kid was everywhere.

Eren Jaeger, Levi realised from watching the match, was a two-handed fighter of the rushing type. Which was a tactical disadvantage against someone with good technique like Jean Kirstein. Eren found himself against the ropes, blinking from a heavy hit between the eyes. Through the mist he saw his opponent sparring up to him, and as he hit, he side-stepped. The next moment he was out in the middle again, with Jean pressing him hard.

Eren in the ring, unsurprisingly, gave up on strategy and went in for the attack while Jean defended well. Punch after punch. Dive after dive. Soon, Eren was the one panting breathlessly. The ashbrown didn't miss the opportunity and swooped in like a vulture after its kill. Eren felt a jab into his ribs and a close cut against his jaw.

'That must have hurt,' Levi remarked, wincing on his behalf. 'You're pathetic. Did Keith Shadis teach you nothing?'

'Wait, hold on,' Eren insisted, his eyes glimmering under the lights of the stadium. 'Here it comes. My signature move. The one that earned me the nickname Suicidal Bastard.'

And Levi watched as the Eren in the ring stumbled a few steps back and wiped the trickle of blood from his lips. And then, without warning, he climbed the ropes, hoisted himself over them for leverage and came spinning against Jean with a war cry.

Jean was caught so off-guard, he yelled an expletive and ducked under the avalanche of arms.

Eren got the opening he was looking for and landed a suckerpunch to the guts of the taller boy.

It was all over in half a minute.

The gong sounded.

Levi pressed a hand to his face in second-hand embarrassment, a smile having crept out on his features without his permission. He hid it well.

'You got disqualified, right? Please tell me you got disqualified.'

Eren laughed heartily, the sadness lifting from him.

'Yep. But it was so worth seeing that expression on horseface.'

Levi scowled at the idiot beside him.

'You know, Eren, that move... looks a lot like mine.'

Eren turned around sheepishly, moving towards the exit. 'Nope, you're imagining things.'

Levi knew the boy was lying.

 

 

 

 

.X.

 

 

Eren stood before door number ten, arms extended over the door frame, refusing to grant entry. Levi gave him a lingering glance of suspicion.

'Let's skip this one,' Eren insisted.

'Why? You know where it leads to?'

Eren fidgeted, not meeting Levi's gaze. 'Yeah. I... have a clue. And I really think we should skip it.'

Levi sidestepped him and caught hold of the knob, giving it a frisk.

Eren tried to block him with all his might.

'Rivaille, no. I SWEAR, NO!'

Levi managed to turn the brass knob despite the human barricade, and the door opened by a thin slip.

There was a blue tinted darkness inside and the unmistaken sounds of heavy breathing. Not to mention, Eren's colourful language rang out from under the neon lights.

Eren grappled for the door, trying to shut it again. But Levi smirked at him.

'Oh, your first time, huh? I remember you telling me I was your third. So, who was the first? That Jean kid?'

Eren flushed.

'What? No!'

'Hm, a... girl?'

Eren looked at him in aggravation.

'Who then? I'm not going to leave until I find out.'

Eren blanched and scratched his chin, avoiding his eye. 'Just... someone special. Can we give it a rest?'

'Someone special,' echoed Levi and snorted. 'Duh, he's got a door for himself. I admit I'm jealous. Was he _that_ good?'

'Levi, can we—'

Levi shook his head and stepped back, eyes gleaming with wickedness.

'Step away, SOLDIER!' Levi demanded.

'OVER MY DEAD BODY, SIR!'

'Eren!'

'Levi, it was an intimate moment, please—'

'And miss out on the free porn? Hell, no. Especially not when you're in it, sunshine.'

Despite Eren's vehement protests, Levi pushed him against the frame and forced entry.

It was a dark room, and Levi recognised it to be familiar. There was a bed, a fairly large king-sized bed and the outline of sweaty bodies heaving on it. The blinds were pulled down and a Levi from five years ago was... well doing what he did best. Pleasuring with his mouth and dirty talking his way through an orgasm. Eren was muttering things under his breath that did not sound like a legitimate language on either planet.

Levi glanced at the young man beside him and gave him a long look.

Eren turned red under his scrutiny.

'Ok, fine, I admit it. You were my first. Happy? Can we move on now before I have to dig a hole in the ground to bury myself? This is so embarrassing.'

Levi reached out with a hand and reeled the boy close. He leaned in to whisper against Eren's earlobe.

'You're an idiot. As if I didn't know that.'

Eren didn’t hear him at first.

'Yes, I lied, you don't have to rub it in—’ his blue green eyes went wide as the words settled in.  ‘Wait, what? YOU KNEW? AND YOU STILL WANTED TO WALK IN? Dammit, Levi, you take exhibitionism to new heights!'

Levi turned to the figures on the bed. The two men had exhausted themselves and drifted to sleep on the shoulders of each other. There was the smell of sex in the air but also something else. Helumbary in the balcony, and Eren. A whole lot of Eren. There was that strange feeling again in his heart, piercing and rendering him guilty.

But before he could pay attention to it, Eren was dragging him out by his arm.

The shorter man smirked.

'You know, I _am_ pretty good. From an unbiased observer's point of view.'

'Oh man, you're truly impossible. Can we leave? THIS IS MORTIFYING!'

'We're skipping out on free porn, you realise.'

 

 

 

 

.XI.

 

 

'Motherfucking gods of Titan, it's like watching one of those cheap romantic comedies from your world, Eren.'

'Hey, I'll have you know it was the best proposal in the world. No, make that the best damn proposal in the entire universe. Something no one in their right mind would have said no to,' Eren grumbled, drawing shapes in his jeans.

'And somehow we still got married. Explain to me how that ever happened.'

They were sitting on the sidewalk, under the red awning of a pub. People rushed in and out of the small pub, paying little attention to these invaders of memory. Levi watched as the scene unfolded in an alley outside Diablo. Eren had shoved him up a wall and was kissing him in his half drunken stupor. One hand slunk into the pocket of his parka, and he drew out a box.

'What the hell is that?' the Corporal had asked back then.

'Marry me,' drunken Eren said breathlessly, taking one of the metal bands out. 'It's a wedding ring. I don't have much of savings but this should do. Oh, come on, Levi! Don't glare at me; it's not like I'm giving you some sort of a weapon of mass destruction. It's just a wedding ring but...' he paused, giving the older man a tentative look. 'But it means a lot to me. So, you better keep it.'

'No,' was Levi's answer.

'What?'

'I said _no_.'

Eren began panicking.

'No, you won't keep it or... no, you hate me, won't marry me and never see me again?'

Levi pushed the younger man off him.

'Eren, you're what... twenty one?' the older man asked him in half exasperation.

'Yeah, well, you're not exactly getting any younger, Corporal sir.'

Levi floundered at the boy’s logic. 'I'll have you know that the average life expectancy of a Titan is hundred and twenty. You think you can beat that, puny earthborn?'

Eren gaped at this new piece of information and pressed a fist against his forehead.

'Seriously?'

Levi nodded.

'So, I'm going to die first?' Eren bemoaned. 'That's not a reassuring thought.'

'Yes and you will leave me your penniless ass for an inheritance. Imagine me sulking at your funeral and calling you a bastard for not leaving me anything but poorly graded college assignments. I don't look forward to that. Heck, I don't look forward to wasting tears on you either.'

A strange misty expression came over Eren.

'Wow. We'll be like Aragorn and Arwen.'

'Arawhat?'

'Uh, Lord of the Rings. This mega hero called Aragorn dies and his elf wife Arwen cries herself to death. Kinda romantic and stuff. So, how come we're planning our funerals and old age… but you haven't said yes yet!'

Levi gave a low growl from his throat and cast the sky a solemn glance.

'Eren, you do realize that marriages are contracts in my world. Like everything else. You need to give something and take something in return. What do you have to offer?' Levi prompted.

'What do I have to offer?' Eren echoed furiously. 'What is this? A law treaty?'

'Yes,' replied Levi and broke into a smile. 'Persuade me, smartstuff.'

Eren pouted and thought over it with all due seriousness.

'Think well, trooper. I might just refuse,' Levi taunted.

The brunet grew serious and took Levi's hand in his own, staring into the stormy grey gaze that pierced him.

'I will give you everything I can give and accept everything I can take. Now, will you marry me, asshole?'

There was a silence.

Levi watched him in amazement and under the shadows of the alley, Eren almost missed the smile of gratitude.

'Not bad. I think I will. Sounds like a fair deal.'

The two men sitting under the awning of Diablo looked at each other. Levi glanced at Eren in wonder and shook his head.

'I don't know how you got away with saying sappy shit like that.'

Eren gave a bark of laughter.

'I got away, sir, because it was you.'

 

 

 

 

 

.XII.

 

Door number twelve opened to another door.

1263 said the number plate.

Levi looked at Eren in surprise, who smiled back at him gaily.

'C’mon, what else did you expect? It's the only home I've got,' Eren defended.

The brunet closed the door because this one didn't need any explanations.

The two men stood leaning against the frame, staring at each other in the silent hallway of Eren Jaeger's subconscious. The lights of the psyche corridor had stopped flickering.

'This was... probably the weirdest thing I've ever done… but good,' Eren admitted, 'Really good. I don't think I could have put them into words. But you know what I'm pissed about?'

'What?' urged Levi, wrapping an arm around the younger man's waist and pulling him in close till they could bask in each other’s scent.

'You're behind more than half of these doors, Levi. I think I should have dated some more jerks before deciding to settle down with the jackass corporal from hell.'

Levi smirked, leaning in till their noses touched.

'On the contrary, I'm not pissed about that at all,' Levi's gaze softened. 'Hey Eren,’ he called. ‘Thanks for this. For letting me into your world.'

Eren gave a mock salute. 'We should do this again. And maybe _you_ can give me a tour next time.'

Levi didn't meet his gaze and looked past Eren's head.

'I wouldn't count on that.'

Eren's bubble of enthusiasm deflated.

'And why's that?'

'Because I think we should concentrate on making more memories,' the older opined, pulling Eren down by his AC/DC tshirt and pressing a kiss to Eren's messy forehead.

_Because my mind is a dark place. And I don't want you to get lost in its maze._

_Because some day you will hate me for all this._

He didn't say the words out loud and let Eren kiss him on the mouth, relishing in the feel of Eren's tongue moving against his. When they broke apart for air, Levi indulged him with a smirk.

'So, tentacle sex,’ he trailed thoughtfully, remembering the boy’s inhibitions. ‘Is that some fetish I need to know about?'

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_I come no spy_

_With purpose to explore or to disturb_

_The secrets of your realm; but by constraint_

_Wandering this darksome desert, as my way_

_Lies through your spacious empire up to Light._

 

Paradise Lost, Book II

Milton

 


End file.
